Love lies bleeding in the bed whereover Roses lean with smiling mouths or pleading: Earth lies laughing where the sun’s dart clove her: Love lies bleeding.

As days gets nearer, I’m missing you more than usual.

I don’t know what’s this feeling, yet its boiling deep in
I love you, I know I do. Sense of fear overwhelmed. Our future we do not know,
all i know is I finally found you. After all these years, fate brought us together.

Often I would question. What is fate, does that even exist?
We’ve seen in movies how certain unexpected things happens.
They all seem so vague, since it’s reality we’re landing on.

Yet, we never know. We never know it existed all this while.
Us taking it for granted, assuming these are little girl’s dream.
Dream ain’t such a sad thing after all, instead i think its a harsher way of grasping reality. Who cares? As long as you’re happy, and youre it!

Till now, I really don’t know what’s this feeling. Where I stand mostly.
Looking back and how things changed so quickly. Guilty charged as I ain’t suppose to be doing this, yet, when is there ever my chance to step out?

People uses people as a bridge to get over to the other side and when a relationship end, excuses and stories made just so one stands better even the winner has to loose in disgrace. Is this how it has been practiced? Since most of you could do that and since I do not know who my future guy would be, why stay when I found someone better to live with? When its over, theres no need to stay just so you’re doing your best job as a girlfriend. It’s like, im done with my job now and I’m moving to the other.

I know, this strikes me, what if this happens again? I dont know. I really have no answer to this. Things just happens unexpectedly. I wouldn’t want things to change after this honestly. I’m not sure what it is but you make me secure deep within. I remember the first time I noticed your presence, we’re both strangers to each other.

Funny how we remained strangers, the silence miss behind each other’s back builds subconsciously. Years passed, and we both continued on our path still not aware how fate brought us till this day eventually. Much of lessons learnt in the short period of time, where I think supposedly arranged so. Otherwise, I don’t think this stages led to how we are today. If it ain’t for Curtin University, if it ain’t for Miri, I wouldn’t be studying in Australia now.

I’m amazed at how small this world is. How strangers get together, how souls connect and spend the happiest moments together.

A whole new place, whole new story.

Life, much interesting as it is, I’m loving it.

Lusterless days

WordPress.

I’m seriously new to this. Do excuse me if I can’t differentiate the difference in blogspot and wordpress. All I can tell for now is that, this is more ‘pressed’, organized, no tagboard spam whatever nots? Apart from this, I really don’t see the point. Not criticizing either, cos if I am, I’m actually emphasizing myself here too since I AM posting in wordpress here =) so cheers*

Much investigation is needed just like what I did for facebook when I first had it. Wasn’t that at all hard for me to get use to facebook and I’m practically abandon friendster. It’s noticable that the layout, profile hasn’t been changed as often! Hehe, yea you get the idea. This usually comes to my mind, when the blog is unknown, it is safe to post secrets etc. However, this blog eventually gets known, people read archives and these are no longer secrets! Livejournal is still the best, and I’m barely using it once again. I do not know why yet again I really feel like getting back to the web world. I mean I am using the net almost everyday now since I’m studying oversea, internet is my life now. Yet again, everything changes once you miss out bits and pieces that are relevant or shall I term it ‘essential’ getting involved in all these. My laptop’s eating my softwares, I practically can’t use MSN, ADOBE PHOTOSHOP, ILLUSTRATOR, IN-DESIGN, everything else i find rather useful getting myself back in the enthusiasm in dealing these web interest. Ohwells, I do need to get this laptop fix soon. Soon soon, i dont know when. When I don’t go broke easily I suppose. Even if I have 8,000 in my bank account, by the end of this month, I’ll go empty. Trust me. The bills, fines, rent, school fees, groceries, food, materials, printings, the list goes on!

This is crazy. I never find a day where these rants ends with a fullstop, its always commas, space, enters, paragraphs and eventually end up looking like an essay. Neverending assignments and projects, oral presentations till july 4th. Striving through is what I’m doing. Break is seriously essential. My relationship isn’t going very well to be honest. Long distance relationship is indeed hard to handle. I mean I used to love him as much. This much, that much that I say I can’t live a day without him. I look back at my life in brunei, it’s not that I’m leaving things behind, its that I’ve too much to deal with here that this, what I am doing now, has become my purpose of living. Studying hard, achieving success. Brunei can only be the place where I go back and relax, where I have my friends to hang out and catch up with. Melbourne, honestly has become my 2nd hometown. I practically made myself comfortable here in everyways! Isn’t that what one should do? If you’re not comfortable with the place, every little thing you do will be affected and eventually we’ll hear screamings of homesick whatsoever. This is all our mind that’s fooling around with us.

Theres times I admit, I go lonely. Loneliness differs completely from desperation. My term ‘changed’ simply is common yet unintentional. what is it? I know, I’m telling you now.

Changed of heart. Changed of target. Not anyone new though, its someone back in high school whom I finally get to know him and things just flow naturally, where each of us didn’t mind what our status are, and these feelings unavoidable no matter to whatever extend. Its disastrous as I’ve to deal with one that’s really innocent, waiting all the way back there for me and me here being busy, without realizing, there’s another guy that might provide me a better future. There is always a better one out there isn’t it? But I’m assuring you, this isn’t like any other, i take my relationships seriously. I do not wish to get this issue stamped on my mind, yet again, I can’t prevent it from happening. It already happened and I must say, my feelings grow for this particular person. Worst, he’s feeling the same. Dilemma? Not really. It’s clear enough that I’ve made my decision, the only issue is by the time I get to brunei, I really don’t know how much it could change my daily social routine and everything will just be spread like shattered glass pieces. I do not know why is this happening. I often wish to question, looking right up to the sky, questioning “What is all this”, “What is my purpose” , & why when everything is so perfect, it has to end? I do not wish to hurt the boyfriend, yet again, I am already doing it. I have no courage to face him, I do not blame him, after all its my fault to get into this mess. Yet again, I can’t change the fact that my heart’s stolen by the other. Cliche.

HELP.